Learning to feel your feelings

When all you really want to do is distract yourself

Hello, I’m Jodie. I write about life post burnout with themes of rest, living slower, self discovery, Yoga & more. Please subscribe to support my work & to read more. You can also find me on YouTube and Instagram.

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This weekend I had to confront some pretty heavy feelings. On reflection it was a blend of fear, hurt and shame (quite the combination eh!). My quick, almost reflective instinct was to deflect, to blame someone else and find reasons that they’re in the wrong ~ when really, what I needed to do, was listen in.

Our feelings are always signalling something important to us. The “negative” even more so, as they allow us to see what we need to change so we can move forward in a more aligned way. Imagine it felt this straight forward in the moment!? The thing is, we’re taught to label emotions as “positive” and “negative”, so of-course for short term gain, we seek to distract over looking deeper into it’s meaning.

After a few of minutes of avoidance, I gave myself a bit of space to see what was really going on, and quite quickly realised I was holding onto some beliefs that aren’t serving me. Beliefs that are making me act from a place of fear over love. Beliefs that are making me see the worse in people because that feels safer.

Without going inwards and feeling my feelings, I wouldn’t have gained this insight to help me challenge that belief and move forward.

Learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings

First of all, learning to sit with all emotions is actually a skill you can build - something I found a comfort in knowing, our brains will literally rewire the more we practice this stuff! It takes time to re-programme habits, and it also takes courage to sit with the feelings, but it’s completely possible.

Often, the moment we need to pause is exactly when it feels most intolerable to do so

~ Tara Brach

Reconnecting back to yourself

There are so many different ways of getting to this point. Over the years I’ve done a lot of work around self awareness through Yoga, meditation, journaling and therapy. This gives you space to pause, the knowing to start responding instead of reacting and sitting with all feelings instead of running away. It’s been the gateway to slowing down and creating space for whatever is here right now.

Actually staying present with uncomfortable feelings

Then comes the ability to sit with the uncomfortable stuff that’s there.

For me, most of the time my distraction of choice was (and still is) my phone. The urge to check it would almost become like a nervous twitch, scooping me out of reality into a numbness that would allow me that initial comfort, but ultimately lead me into a cycle of suppression.

In that moment where you notice you’re reaching for your distraction, it’s pausing. It’s breathing into what’s there and being curious.

Over the years and through teachings I’ve learnt that bringing an element of investigation to this helps. Like I’m trying to solve a puzzle, instead of constantly questioning why I’m feeling a certain way. Cultivating the habit of speaking to myself with kindness and care and almost bringing a gentle curiosity to it like you would a friend.

A method I rely on heavily is RAIN, which stands for Recognise, Allow, Investigate and Nurture. This is a method by Tara Brach, you can read more on it here.

Also, it’s really worth noting that this experience can be a lot, and if you find that it’s just too much then I really recommend seeking professional support and guidance in the form of a therapist etc to help you through - it’s their job to give you the space and support.

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Don’t get me wrong, I still have days where by the end of them I realise I’ve spent it in autopilot without a single conscious breath being had, and RAIN simply being forgotten. But, learning to sit with my feelings and not reach for distractions has essentially been the key to living a more intentional life. I feel more in charge, and I’ve felt lighter thanks to it.

I hope my experience has provided you some comfort that you’re not alone in the desire to escape uncomfortable feelings, you’re simply living and navigating life. Let me know if you’ve heard of RAIN or have any other techniques that have helped you!

Love & gratitude,

Jodie x