Maybe, you're okay...

some thoughts on anxiety, shame, self doubt and feeling more comfortable in your skin

Hello, I’m Jodie. I write about life post burnout with themes of rest, living slower, healing and self discovery. Subscribe to support my work & to read more. Or, join our Slower Space community to access all content and the monthly journaling club!

Hello friends,

How’s late summer treating you?

I’ve slowed down a little with sharing these newsletters knowing how busy this time of year can be, so I hope I’m managing to catch you in a moment of calm (or atleast this can provide a little break from whatever you were doing) ❤️

I’m feeling some of that September back to school energy early (despite my last year in formal education being 2016, is this something that just stays with you?). Anyway, I wanted to send a bit more of a personal letter today before I get back into my more regular posting schedule. Like that long overdue catch up with a friend before you get back to the usual chit chat.

Living with anxiety & self doubt

Yep, I’m jumping right into it.

I’ve been sharing on Substack for over a year now, and a fair bit has changed in that time.

This time last year I felt like something was off. In fact, I’d felt like that my whole adult life. Uncomfy in my own skin.

I think naturally we all have these thoughts and moments crop up from here and there when we’re stretched or out of alignment, but for me, it was an undercurrent to everything I did.

Almost like a deep knowing that I was flawed. Never good enough. Constantly needing to be topped up by external validation. A cycle that kept me stuck, feeling anxious and riddled with “not enough” thoughts.

Over the years I tried everything the wellness world promised would heal me. I developed a lot of self awareness through talking therapy and reading all the self developments books, but the feeling of being stuck was ever present.

If I’m completely honest, looking back now I felt low or anxious more than I felt at ease. Explaining why I was always in pursuit of a solution, a way of living and moving through the world that didn’t feel so exhausting.

Last October I decided to try something different. I started EMDR treatment (which I documented here) for complex trauma. I had 7 months worth of sessions and finished them in April, and I can honestly say the experience really has changed me.

From surviving to living, and thriving

I’m not hailing EMDR this miracle treatment, there’s been so many building blocks over the years. Yoga especially. It’s been a huge therapeutic tool for me to tap into spirituality, and bring me back into my body. But, EMDR and really processing trauma has made that little niggle shift and morph into being much more comfortable with who I am.

My motive for the treatment when I signed up was to again become a better, more perfect version of myself. To no longer feel anxious or doubt myself.

It turned out that what I really needed was self acceptance.

Existing and moving through the world knowing I’m not perfect, but finally feeling content with that, and honestly, just not really thinking about it or questioning it anymore.

I am who I am, and I’m okay. I’m really okay.

It’s hard to put into words how different my life feels because of it. I’m no longer spending chunks of the day in my head mulling over conversations. I don’t berate myself for making mistakes, and in moments when I do slip back into that old behaviour, I really trust the self guidance to soften. I laugh at awkward moments that would have previously made me hot and self absorbed.

One of the main things those sessions highlighted was the shame I carried. Shame for things that I didn’t need to hold onto, shame that wasn’t mine. Shame that so many of us carry, that we often need to release.

There’s things I’d like to work on, and ways I’d like to grow, but the quest is no longer to fix and more further away from who I really am. It’s to get closer to being even more, unapologetically me.

So I guess, in short, I just wanted to share this personal reflection as an invitation for you to soften, and as a reminder that maybe you’re okay too.

You’re more than okay.

Until next time,

Jodie x

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