A guide to resting after years of busyness
without feeling guilty or shame for it
In my early-mid twenties, it almost felt like busyness was a drug, I couldn’t slow down. Doing nothing felt uncomfortable, forced, almost unnatural. I thought resting was simply getting a good night’s sleep and that would keep me going.
The more I learnt, the more I realised I was relying on being productive and busy for my sense of self worth and validation.
‘Being’ simply became so out of reach after years of rushing.
The past few years have been a slow process of knocking things down (letting go of being the ‘girlboss’ I thought I needed to be) and rebuilding. Relearning how to rest. I wasn’t born with this inability, so I felt, and still do feel optimistic that I can come back to it post drowning in hustle culture.
I was so disconnected from reality, it’s been a process of reconnection.
There isn’t a final destination, it’s a constant resistance against the systems set up that would prefer me to revert back to my machine like ways.
I’m no longer prepared to be a machine.
Learning to rest hasn’t come easy. It’s been uncomfortable. I didn’t know how so would feel anxious, then frustrated that I kept going back to the same habits and behaviours. Ultimately, it’s meant huge shifts, and changing from a scarcity, lack mindset to trusting that there’s enough, it’s safe to pause. It’s meant healing trauma and wounds that led me to believe doing was the only way.
I’m still uncovering layers and figuring it all out.
It’s had to become a way of life, a learning that going slower and resting is living, and really opening myself to that.
At first, it became another thing I had to do. Already exhausted it felt like a kick in the teeth. Like, you’re telling me I need to do all of this, AND rest as well?
Then I realised summer last year, at peak exhaustion (and ultimately at breaking point) I had to make a choice. Stay hustling and feel unfulfilled, or take action in a different way and soften…
I made big and small changes, and I wanted to share all of the practical things I’ve done as part of this process to allow myself to rest.
Let’s start with the big thing, I left my job. I was working part time at a digital marketing agency within advertising, but alongside this I was working freelance. So essentially I was working part time employed, full time self employed with absolutely no boundaries or time to rest.
I thought leaving would give me more time to rest, and I’d just happily take it, but my conditioning stayed put. I hustled and slipped into the same scarcity mindset around my own business and freelance work. The uncertainty that came with being fully freelance made me anxious, and ready to jump back onto that hamster wheel of constant doing.
Leaving my job was a big step, because I realised it was my internal world I needed to work on too, alongside my external reality. Here’s the things that have helped tick both of those boxes as I navigate rest post burnout and hustle culture…
How I started to actually rest
Regulating my nervous system
Healing my nervous system will be a whole Substack in itself at some point, but working on regulating my nervous system showed me it was safe to pause. For me this looks like practicing Yoga, breathwork practices, vagal toning and meditation regularly. When your nervous system is activated constantly, it makes resting almost impossible.
Therapy
I’m on a break from therapy at the moment to allow what I’ve learnt to integrate and settle, but my therapist has really helped me unpick a lot of my behaviours and put new ones in place.
Connection & community
Finding a community that values rest has been everything, whether that’s attending Yoga retreats, wellbeing workshops, Yoga classes, finding and following people online. We don’t heal in isolation, we heal as a community.
Service to others
Thinking about how I can be of service to others has filled up my cup in so many ways. Even in a ‘work’ sense, like allowing myself to show up as a Yoga teacher and create content around wellness. Shifting to think more about others rather than myself has quietened my ego, which has gone hand in hand with feeling more fulfilled and less burnout.
Exploring different types of rest
It’s been important for me to rest in the physical sense of literally doing nothing, but there’s other things I’ve implemented that have enhanced my life in so many ways. Things like dance, being in nature, painting just for the fun of it, gardening and all of the learning that comes from that. My phone and screens in general were another way I kept myself busy for so long, so swapping that out for more mindful activities has enriched my life in a way I honestly didn’t know was possible.
Connecting to something greater & spirituality
My Yoga and meditation practice essentially reminds me that I don’t need to hustle or work in order to rest. It brings me a sense of interconnectedness that capitalism and the conditioning to be busy/ individualistic didn’t allow for. A space to be, without expectation. It’s something I weave into my own Yoga classes and connect with in some way every single day.
Coming back to self compassion
Learning to rest and allowing myself to guilt free has been a big shift. There are days when I fall back into old ways, it’s a constant process of undoing. Coming back to self compassion keeps me on track. Of-course there are evenings when I use a series to zone out or times I’ll find myself mindlessly scrolling. I’ve come to learn being kind to myself is what gets me back on track much quicker than berating myself for it.
Image via Pinterest, source unknown
Additional resources
As I mentioned, community has been everything and I’ve intentionally started to follow people who also value rest over exhaustion and hustle culture. Here’s a few people and recourses that continue to inspire me…
Russell Brand’s podcast and YouTube videos
Jen Carrington’s work for creating a slower more intentional business
Charlie Rewilding for personal reflections and journey with burnout
Trica Hersey, particularly the book Rest Is Resistance (aff link)
This post by Emma Gannon on burnout
I really recommend the book Rest is Resistance and Trica Hersey’s work in general for more information around rest, and how rest is a movement and pushing back against an entire system.
Journal prompts to help you rest & slow down
If any, what strategies are you using to rest at the moment?
Are they working for you and leaving you feeling well rested and nourished?
If not, what could you replace these with? (create a list you can refer back to)
What beliefs do you have around rest?
How does hustle culture inform the way you set goals and live your life?
I want to leave you with 3 phrases I come back to that support my knowing and help shift my mindset around rest daily…
I am not a machine
I am worthy of rest
We have time. There’s no rush.
Can you relate to this post? Does hustle culture play a part in how you rest?
I love this entry especially the journal prompts!
At the end of last year, I left my stressful first responder job that I was quite good at. I only realise now looking back how burned out I was.
It's been a big shift for me coming to terms with leaving a career that was such a big part of my identity. A massive risk but it has paid off, I feel healthier and am in such a better place now. It was a big risk for me personally but I'm glad I had the courage to make the change. I now have a much slower, safer job that I am quite content in.
I found your TikTok page and that led me here! So thank you very much x
I love this story of reflection and I can see many similarities to my own. The connection back to yourself can feel like a long one when you don't know the destination. To keep going on your own path, following your North will always guide you back to where you need to be.