Can we ever have a healthy relationship with social media?

Exploring how we use social media and whether balance is really possible...

Hello, I’m Jodie. A Yoga teacher & wellbeing creator/ writer. I write about life post burnout with themes of rest, living slower, healing, self discovery & more. Please subscribe to support my work & to read more. As a paid subscriber you can join my monthly journaling club, gain access to exclusive content and meditations.

How are you when it comes to social media, do you have a good relationship with the platforms?

Mine is, well, complicated.

I’ve shared online for years. I had Instagram as soon as it launched, I downloaded TikTok back in 2020 and have since managed to grow an audience of over 100,000.

I enjoy creating and sharing online, I seem to just be drawn to it. I get this excitement while creating videos and images that I don’t quite get with anything else.

On the flip side, I’ve struggled with social media over the years, it’s manifested in a few different ways…

• Anxious moments soothed by doom scrolling

• Sharing as a tool to boost my self esteem/ ego over of forming real connections

• Comparing myself to others and feeling inadequate as a result

• Using it as a way to check-up on old friends and estranged family that have caused me harm, causing myself more harm in the process!

Then there’s the shame.

The shame when you’ve done those things and you know that really, they’re far from ideal.

That people will judge. Judging myself.

When you’ve spent hours scrolling, comparing, feeling envious of someone else’s likes/ follower count/ life they live.

It makes social media a tricky old place to be.

After years of noticing the same things crop up in my journal, the behaviours and feelings of obsession and addition at times… I spotted a correlation.

When I’m not feeling my best, whatever that state might be, that’s when this happens. That’s when my relationship with social media and tech in general turns sour. That’s when it becomes less intentional, feels out of my control and like an impulse to soothe the paint.

You can’t be content or regulated and using your phone as a distraction at the same time. The fact is, I wasn’t regulated for a large chunk of my 20’s.

When I’m not feeling quite right in myself or having a bad mental health day, that’s when social media becomes an issue. When your own sense of self is wobbly, when you’re already feeling frazzled, when you’re in that part of your cycle where life feels harder.

Data show that life satisfaction has significant effects on both generalised Internet addiction and the specific addiction to social media. I don’t know about you, but this makes sense. The times in my life that I feel overwhelmed, ungrounded or a general sense of unease, the more likely I am to scroll. There are countless studies that support this.

Thinking back to the times I felt anxious or lonely, that’s when I reached for my phone the most. This study found that anxiety/loneliness and emotional suppression have a strong positive effect on social media addiction. Another confirmation that supported my hunch.

There’s also the side of it where it truly can dampen your mood or leave you feeling overwhelmed. We’re just not built to consume so much in such a short space of time, so even when you are feeling good, if that scrolling habit is there, it can quickly leave you feeling frazzled - or it does for me atleast!

Last week I read this post by Sarah Raad on creating a life that’s worth putting your phone down, and it summed up exactly what I’ve had to do to find better boundaries with these platforms.

It’s been less about thinking about how I can reduce my screen time, and more about how I can create a life that feels fulfilling, outside of social media.

From languishing to flourishing

Something else that I think links to this is the idea of languishing.

This is when you’re struggling with a emotional state of weariness, a feeling of emptiness but can’t quite pin point what’s wrong. For me, these periods of languishing in my life are what attracted me to the dopamine fix of my phone.

A few weeks back I listened to this podcast by Pandora Sykes, Pandora interviews Corey Keyes, a sociologist and psychologist who came up with the term. I resonated with SO much that was shared during this episode. I’d started doing it last year, but again, it supported that a way to get out of this habit was adding things into my life that would help me flourish.

Push me to meet my edge and experience life in full force.

How more active leisure might be the answer…

Having new experiences and creating a life worth putting my phone down for is the only thing that’s reduced my screen time. Giving myself permission to prioritise my own wellbeing. Reminding myself that life isn’t about hustling and constantly being online, but living, being, experiencing this very moment.

Active leisure involves using physical or mental energy, things like reading, walking, knitting, swimming, crafting, baking, gardening. Passive leisure is as you’d expect, more passive. It’s watching tv, scrolling without creating or contributing. For a long time my active and passive leisure time was out of balance, and mentally I really felt it.

This isn’t a bash at Netflix or scrolling, but thinking more about how for many of us, I think the trouble comes when the balance is skewed. I was experimenting with the concept of slow living last year and realised I needed more of the active stuff in my life. More that didn’t involve my phone, or passively watching something on tv, but things that stimulate me, creating for the sake of creating and harbouring a sense of achievement.

It’s taken me years to unravel from toxic productivity and this idea that all of my time is best dedicated to hustling (then zoning out in front of the tv because I’m too exhausted to do anything else). I’m really convinced that introducing more active leisure is what’s helped me create a life that feels balance, and therefore makes my phone way less appealing.

Boundaries with social media

I thought I’d round off this post with some boundaries that work for me when it comes to feeling more balanced online.

1. No social media before 8am or after 8pm (unless for a very good reason). The main reason for this rule is to have uninterrupted time for myself before I start the day, whether that’s practising Yoga or a walk.

2. Have regular weekends and time offline. Regardless of how many boundaries you put in place, or how full your life feels - social media can still feel overwhelming and addictive.

Last year I was close to leaving social media behind all together. I’ve really enjoyed following Molly and Charlie’s journey with this and felt inspired by what they’ve shared. For now, I feel like I’m finally in a better place with it, but I still haven’t ruled it out. Finding ways to enrich my life and spend less time scrolling has been significant for my mental health, for now, to be point where it’s helped me reconnect with the positives.

I’d love to know your thoughts/ if you resonate with any of this… I’ll meet you in the comments!

p.s. I’ll be sharing a YouTube video on this on Sunday - so subscribe to see that!

Until next time,

Jodie x

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