The pressure to have a plan

and why I'm finally scrapping it...

Hello, I’m Jodie. A Yoga teacher & creator. I write about life post burnout with themes of rest, living slower, healing & generally navigating life with self compassion. Subscribe for free posts, or join the Slower Space community to access exclusive content, the Monthly Journaling Club & EMDR Diaries. We’d love to have you here!

In 2009 I had my first ever career related meeting. It was in a poky office crammed with old books and overflowing folders. The career advisor sat ready with a computer displaying a questionnaire, waiting to grant me my destiny within the 15 minutes allocated.

I was 13. Stuck with what subjects to choose for my GCSEs.

I sat there underwhelmed as they shared some potential jobs that would suit me. My response, of-course, was a smile and “sounds good,” leaving with this feeling that I needed to know what I truly wanted from life, without an idea where to start.

That was the first time I remember thinking I needed a plan and a specific career to go into, it’s only recently I’ve realised, that feeling hadn’t really left.

What am I doing with this precious life? What’s the end goal, my biggest desire, my purpose, my thing to work towards?

This desperation for it to just reveal itself so I can get lost in it, working towards it… Feeling in control.

For the longest time, since that moment really, I’ve applied this pressure on myself to have a plan. Mostly in the way of career, but it seeps into other areas of my life too. I asked on Instagram if you felt the same, and 78% of you agreed…

Since going self employed 18 months ago, I notice my heart start to race a little and my skin get warmer when people ask what I do for work, knowing they’re likely to share their one vocation. I fumble for an answer that’s usually along the lines of “I’m a Yoga teacher, but I also write online, create video content for my own socials and brands and work within marketing too.” It pulls me out of the present into feeling self conscious.

When asked if I’m going to do something with my Psychology degree, the same feeling comes up.

Am I not already doing something?

When asked when we’re going to start a family, those sensations seep in.

Errrrm, at some point hopefully, but I don’t know?

An unconscious belief that’s there, lingering, is that this way of moving through the world is scatty. This way of following the current and moving with the ebb and flow of life isn’t the valid. I’ve felt the weight of this throughout my 20’s while I try to figure out what it is I really want to do, never actually reaching that point and then feeling like I’ve failed in some way.

As I move through adulthood, I notice this idea from society that my wants should increase, that I should be striving for new goals, more money, a bigger house,better car. The next string on the ladder.

The thing is, it’s enjoyable and energising to have plans and a path to follow, something to work towards, but what about allowing for experimentation, surprises, to follow my intuition and interests then allowing a gear shift if something doesn’t work out?

I’m unpacking a lot in therapy at the moment, reparenting and exploring how early messaging has put this pressure for a plan to be there. There’s also an element of control that comes with having a set plan that I think I craved for a long time. A rigid plan has always felt so much safer, which for me, is where the appeal came in.

A plan and one vocation also meant a sense of belonging, something else I felt drawn to, a desire to fit and blend in.

Maybe not having a plan isn’t so scary…

Going self employed has coincided with slowing down, getting my nervous system to a steady baseline and thinking more about my values. Asking how I actually want my life to look instead of outsourcing it to this societal pressure and ideal I’ve picked up over the years.

My desire for a plan didn’t come from following my intentions or values, it came from years of thinking that’s what I needed to feel content, on the right path. To fit in and belong in this world.

The past few months, I’ve noticed how much anxiety and panic this pressure to have a plan is causing. How much it’s become ingrained subconsciously over the years that I need one to be enough. It’s deep rooted and taking work to become aware of. It shows up sneakily with so much in life. It catches me off guard when I’m asked about a 5 years plan or goals for the future.

I’m also doing more inner child work, and it’s been interesting to notice how when my sense of self compassion increases, this pull to fit into a box feels less pressing.

Charlie wrote about self compassion being the antidote to shame recently, and it really resonated. I was holding so much shame and being hard on myself. The narrative I’d created was that I just didn’t know what direction I was going in, that I didn’t have a single thing I felt extremely passionate about and that it was a bad thing - that I was flawed in some way because of that.

Focusing on my values, what feels right in my body, and trusting that’s enough

I guess you could say the above is a bit of a mission statement.

I’m surrendering to this pull for a grand plan, and learning to trust that if I focus on my values and feel regulated enough to know what feels right for me - it will work out.

Trusting that not having a set plan for things or end career goal doesn’t have to mean you’re just fumbling through, it can also mean thriving through the ebb and flow of life and experimenting!

How lucky am I that I get to experiment, try new things and slowly figure out what works for me < a new mindset I’m slowly incorporating.

I feel more open to allow this phase of life I’m in right now to be and exist, without needing to know where I’ll be in a years time or having a set title or vision that I’m working towards.

I love this post from Emma Gannon where she talks about the career side of being a multi-hyphenate. Of having your fingers in a few pies and following your interests and exploring what feels fulfilling at the time.

Another element of this is seeing my values and being aligned with those as my plan, my driving force, the thing that helps to inform my decisions. Asking what feels right in my body and what part of me I’m acting from, because so much of this desire for a plan was fear based…

How does life look if I acted from a place of love and trust? Now that feels exciting!

Honestly, the part of me that still wants a plan feels a little vulnerable and nervous sending this, so let me know if you can relate or have anything to say in the comments, I’d love to chat to you there❤️

Until next week,

Jodie x

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