This is just fabulous. I've really been feeling this recently too. I stepped away from my NHS career a few years ago (stress related) and then took a part time admin job which I enjoyed. I had to stop though when my Dad died suddenly and life tilted on its axis a bit. Things are more level now and people keep asking when I'm going back to work. But for now I'm happy doing what I'm doing - some pattern designing, some writing here and I'd like to do more of it. I've found I quite like the self employed life, although I definitely don't have a plan for it.
It's interesting how much people still see employed jobs as the most stable thing, even though they might not be the best thing for us individually day to day! I'm also definitely guilty of falling into this trap at times and have to remind myself that it's not always the case and it doesn't mean you'll be fulfilled. I don't really have a self employed plan either, I'm really enjoying seeing where it goes and I think there's some freedom in that 😌
Loved this post! This is beautifully written and a super interesting topic. I love planning and my relationship with planning has changed over the years. I used to be rigid, goal-oriented and linear. Whereas now my plans feel expansive, flowy and comforting. I plan in order to include self-care and joy in my weeks, instead of achievement. I often forget that life is allowed to be enjoyed, so for me planning allows me to remember that. I guess in a way, I use it to unlearn my unhealthy habits of my 20s where I was outcome focused. I don’t have a “5 year plan” or big goals like “buy a house” to work towards. I’m only working towards enjoying my life and planning a little here and there really helps me with that 🥰✨
Oooh Lowri, I needed to hear this and your peaceful energy around planning - thank you for sharing! I probably should have included that I love planning for my week, I use it for the exact same reason of putting in time for self care and ways I can find balance. The idea of it being expansive and comforting is something I want to lean into more, even when it does come to thinking more about my future and being intentional.
Thank you for sharing this Jodie. I can completely resonate with what you are sharing. I left teaching last year after a 7 year career. I was completely burnt out. What I didn’t consider when leaving was the identity crisis I would go through when I wasn’t easily defined by my career. All my life I was told I had to find my purpose through my job. What I’m slowly learning is that my job can align with my values but it does not define me. I can love my life outside of my job. When I started doing more work on this I realised how much our society is at up to define people by a career that can fit into one neat box ; career quizzes, that little box on a tv show that tells someone’s name and career, people asking what you do as a job! I’ve taken so much from what you’ve shared and it’s reminded me why I don’t need my career to define me.
Thank you for sharing Tori, it's so interesting hearing this from the other side. I think the sense of identity that can come from a career was something I was really craving, now I'm doing the same and learning to identify more with my values and see where that takes me. It really is all about fitting into a neat box isn't it - which is crazy when you think about it because we're all so unique!
This is really interesting. I’ve never really had a plan. I recall in my early twenties, my boss grilling me about a five-year plan and being disappointed when my response was “I just want to lean into what makes me happy and go with the flow”. The most incredible experiences came out of this.
More recently, going back to being self-employed and taking a break from client work to recover from burn-out, I’ve felt this intense pressure from family to fit into a mould. Their concern masked as curiosity. ‘When are you going to start working again?’ ‘When are you going to settle down?’ ‘When are you going to have children?’ More than ever these projections are weighing me down and the value system I’ve always abided by seems to not be accepted by others now that I’m in my 30’s.
I love that you went through your early twenties with that mindset and I'm glad it worked well for you... Sorry to hear you're feeling the pressure, I felt some of the same when going self employed too and while recovering from burnout. It's interesting how much scarcity and fear there is around these moments in life (especially as we get older), I really feel you on that ❤️ sending love
Really great post Jodie. I’m in my late thirties and was a young mum, not planned just met the right person and was the right time for us. All of my friends were heading on career paths and I decided to be self employed mostly so I could work around my kids. I still don’t have a plan but my kids are getting older, my business is established and I have lots of other ideas of things I’d like to do. I am guided by prioritising my own physical and mental health. If I’m lucky I have a lot of years left ahead me and want to live them feeling great! I did used to feel awkward when people asked if I was going to use my law degree but the great thing about getting older is you really care less what people think!
Love it! thanks so much for writing this piece! I once had a date and his father asked me where did I see myself in 5 years, meaning what was my life plan like in an interview and I answered “I go with the flow and see where the wind takes me!” And as rigid as he seemed, he didn’t like my answer…but I still think that way and it makes me happy…I have a very busy and active life and 2 careers but always in alignment with my philosophy a plan to follow my heart…The reason I titled my Substack “the Good Life Plan” is because it’s a really good thing to have a plan for all that is good in life so that you don’t deviate to doing things or being in situations that make you unhappy…so there is nothing wrong to plan for a slow life, a healthy lifestyle, a beautiful environment, a life that revolves around what makes you feel good not bad…because at the end of the day, a plan is your guide and a reminder not to accept anything less that what is on that plan to feed your soul and benefit your body…
Hey Jodi, I want to let you know that your writing resonated with me. You helped me remember how beautiful it is to let go and be present.
Like you, I see myself as someone who relies heavily on planning as well. I don't feel comfortable with having an uncertain future.
But if I had always sticked to my plans, I wouldn't be where I am today. I always thought I'd be a Math professor growing up. But a few months before I graduated with a Math degree, I wasn't comfortable with the path I was treading and so I took on a new one. I am now working on a Marketing role and, more importantly, writing and sharing my ideas online.
It was a huge transition, but it's one I'm thankful for. And right now, as I feel anxious once more about my future, I think I need to let go a little bit more. Your essay was a such a powerful reminder of this lesson, so thanks for writing it.
This resonated so much! I have always been a planner and I’m slowly trying to let go and release the grips it has on my life. Some days I still itch with needing a solid plan for the day or for how life is going to pan out, but now I accept that nothing I planned when I was younger about how I was hoping life would be has happened. So I need to soften into letting things flow their own way, to some degree.
I can definitely relate to this. I have a chronic illness so having plans helps to give me a sense of control. I had a grand plan to go to university and study broadcast journalism. But, when I got to university, I discovered I really didn't like university! That was *not* part of the plan and now I had to come up with a whole new plan. I felt lost for most of my 20s because I felt like there should be that one magical thing that would be my calling and purpose and if I just tried hard enough, I'd find it. I've finally come to accept that that isn't how it will be for me. I still get frustrated sometimes but I'm enjoying the experimenting and learning. Learning my Human Design and taking Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies Quiz are 2 things that were immensely helpful in bringing me to a place of acceptance.
I really relate to this! I’m currently unlearning the desire to always have a plan, it sets you up to feel like a failure when actually there’s so much to be learned from trying things and figuring it out as you go!
Some of your points really resonated with me. I don't have a definite plan at the moment but do have a goal that I've been not following through on. I feel like I'm resisting making a plan to get to the goal. How do you know the difference between feeling pressured to make a plan or resisting making a plan? If that makes sense?
Oh this makes complete sense. I resonate with this too, trying to tell the difference between limiting beliefs and what’s actually just not right for you. I always think about how that sense of envy for someone’s situation is usually a sign you want something they have, and that’s a good place to start exploring it
This is just fabulous. I've really been feeling this recently too. I stepped away from my NHS career a few years ago (stress related) and then took a part time admin job which I enjoyed. I had to stop though when my Dad died suddenly and life tilted on its axis a bit. Things are more level now and people keep asking when I'm going back to work. But for now I'm happy doing what I'm doing - some pattern designing, some writing here and I'd like to do more of it. I've found I quite like the self employed life, although I definitely don't have a plan for it.
It's interesting how much people still see employed jobs as the most stable thing, even though they might not be the best thing for us individually day to day! I'm also definitely guilty of falling into this trap at times and have to remind myself that it's not always the case and it doesn't mean you'll be fulfilled. I don't really have a self employed plan either, I'm really enjoying seeing where it goes and I think there's some freedom in that 😌
Loved this post! This is beautifully written and a super interesting topic. I love planning and my relationship with planning has changed over the years. I used to be rigid, goal-oriented and linear. Whereas now my plans feel expansive, flowy and comforting. I plan in order to include self-care and joy in my weeks, instead of achievement. I often forget that life is allowed to be enjoyed, so for me planning allows me to remember that. I guess in a way, I use it to unlearn my unhealthy habits of my 20s where I was outcome focused. I don’t have a “5 year plan” or big goals like “buy a house” to work towards. I’m only working towards enjoying my life and planning a little here and there really helps me with that 🥰✨
Oooh Lowri, I needed to hear this and your peaceful energy around planning - thank you for sharing! I probably should have included that I love planning for my week, I use it for the exact same reason of putting in time for self care and ways I can find balance. The idea of it being expansive and comforting is something I want to lean into more, even when it does come to thinking more about my future and being intentional.
Thank you for sharing this Jodie. I can completely resonate with what you are sharing. I left teaching last year after a 7 year career. I was completely burnt out. What I didn’t consider when leaving was the identity crisis I would go through when I wasn’t easily defined by my career. All my life I was told I had to find my purpose through my job. What I’m slowly learning is that my job can align with my values but it does not define me. I can love my life outside of my job. When I started doing more work on this I realised how much our society is at up to define people by a career that can fit into one neat box ; career quizzes, that little box on a tv show that tells someone’s name and career, people asking what you do as a job! I’ve taken so much from what you’ve shared and it’s reminded me why I don’t need my career to define me.
Thank you for sharing Tori, it's so interesting hearing this from the other side. I think the sense of identity that can come from a career was something I was really craving, now I'm doing the same and learning to identify more with my values and see where that takes me. It really is all about fitting into a neat box isn't it - which is crazy when you think about it because we're all so unique!
This is really interesting. I’ve never really had a plan. I recall in my early twenties, my boss grilling me about a five-year plan and being disappointed when my response was “I just want to lean into what makes me happy and go with the flow”. The most incredible experiences came out of this.
More recently, going back to being self-employed and taking a break from client work to recover from burn-out, I’ve felt this intense pressure from family to fit into a mould. Their concern masked as curiosity. ‘When are you going to start working again?’ ‘When are you going to settle down?’ ‘When are you going to have children?’ More than ever these projections are weighing me down and the value system I’ve always abided by seems to not be accepted by others now that I’m in my 30’s.
I love that you went through your early twenties with that mindset and I'm glad it worked well for you... Sorry to hear you're feeling the pressure, I felt some of the same when going self employed too and while recovering from burnout. It's interesting how much scarcity and fear there is around these moments in life (especially as we get older), I really feel you on that ❤️ sending love
Really great post Jodie. I’m in my late thirties and was a young mum, not planned just met the right person and was the right time for us. All of my friends were heading on career paths and I decided to be self employed mostly so I could work around my kids. I still don’t have a plan but my kids are getting older, my business is established and I have lots of other ideas of things I’d like to do. I am guided by prioritising my own physical and mental health. If I’m lucky I have a lot of years left ahead me and want to live them feeling great! I did used to feel awkward when people asked if I was going to use my law degree but the great thing about getting older is you really care less what people think!
Love it! thanks so much for writing this piece! I once had a date and his father asked me where did I see myself in 5 years, meaning what was my life plan like in an interview and I answered “I go with the flow and see where the wind takes me!” And as rigid as he seemed, he didn’t like my answer…but I still think that way and it makes me happy…I have a very busy and active life and 2 careers but always in alignment with my philosophy a plan to follow my heart…The reason I titled my Substack “the Good Life Plan” is because it’s a really good thing to have a plan for all that is good in life so that you don’t deviate to doing things or being in situations that make you unhappy…so there is nothing wrong to plan for a slow life, a healthy lifestyle, a beautiful environment, a life that revolves around what makes you feel good not bad…because at the end of the day, a plan is your guide and a reminder not to accept anything less that what is on that plan to feed your soul and benefit your body…
Hey Jodi, I want to let you know that your writing resonated with me. You helped me remember how beautiful it is to let go and be present.
Like you, I see myself as someone who relies heavily on planning as well. I don't feel comfortable with having an uncertain future.
But if I had always sticked to my plans, I wouldn't be where I am today. I always thought I'd be a Math professor growing up. But a few months before I graduated with a Math degree, I wasn't comfortable with the path I was treading and so I took on a new one. I am now working on a Marketing role and, more importantly, writing and sharing my ideas online.
It was a huge transition, but it's one I'm thankful for. And right now, as I feel anxious once more about my future, I think I need to let go a little bit more. Your essay was a such a powerful reminder of this lesson, so thanks for writing it.
This resonated so much! I have always been a planner and I’m slowly trying to let go and release the grips it has on my life. Some days I still itch with needing a solid plan for the day or for how life is going to pan out, but now I accept that nothing I planned when I was younger about how I was hoping life would be has happened. So I need to soften into letting things flow their own way, to some degree.
I can definitely relate to this. I have a chronic illness so having plans helps to give me a sense of control. I had a grand plan to go to university and study broadcast journalism. But, when I got to university, I discovered I really didn't like university! That was *not* part of the plan and now I had to come up with a whole new plan. I felt lost for most of my 20s because I felt like there should be that one magical thing that would be my calling and purpose and if I just tried hard enough, I'd find it. I've finally come to accept that that isn't how it will be for me. I still get frustrated sometimes but I'm enjoying the experimenting and learning. Learning my Human Design and taking Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies Quiz are 2 things that were immensely helpful in bringing me to a place of acceptance.
I really relate to this! I’m currently unlearning the desire to always have a plan, it sets you up to feel like a failure when actually there’s so much to be learned from trying things and figuring it out as you go!
I think you're brave and absolutely right about what you're writing about our society that needs you to have a "plan". Why? Who says so? So, hold on 😊
Some of your points really resonated with me. I don't have a definite plan at the moment but do have a goal that I've been not following through on. I feel like I'm resisting making a plan to get to the goal. How do you know the difference between feeling pressured to make a plan or resisting making a plan? If that makes sense?
Oh this makes complete sense. I resonate with this too, trying to tell the difference between limiting beliefs and what’s actually just not right for you. I always think about how that sense of envy for someone’s situation is usually a sign you want something they have, and that’s a good place to start exploring it