Really resonate with everything you’ve said here! Big advocate for taking what works for you and leaving the rest. Particularly loved the part about doing what will support you best versus “bettering yourself” - thank you for sharing Jodie!
Hard relate! I experienced similar with the ‘healing’ culture that runs alongside chronic illness; even when it seems on the surface that it’s there to deeply help, it’s often another path to trying to ‘fix’, but it’s wearing a cloak of deception. And of course, it’s a path that becomes never enough/ending!
I so needed to hear this, Jodie. Thank you. I've been on such a similar path lately of realizing that maybe my self-development focus is actually really harmful for me, and I've been finding joy in not always trying to "fix" or "improve" myself. Reading fiction again has been a gamechanger for me! And so fun! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.
100%, when I think about the people in my life that are happiest they don't tend to engage with this stuff anywhere near as much as I do/ did! I've found the same for reading fiction too, seems like we're at very similar points in our journey ❤️
I think I might have to steal that, such a useful question to ask especially around the content I'm going to consume. So much for me in the past was a fear based/ not enough mindset
Love this so much. In pursuit of living our best lives, we’ve stopped actually living. We’ve cut off the spaciousness and creativity of not dictating every minute of every day to meet our life goals. Kindness to ourselves and space to breathe into the gray areas of life I think is where we will truly be found
Oh yes… anything that feeds my idea of perfectionism or causes more head based thinking I have to be wary of. Such an important point to raise… when self development turns bad… of course it does have its place but I think it depends on the state of mind we are in when we pick up the book. Sometimes I can take it and other times I need to steer clear. Ebbs and flows xxx
I've been saying ebbs and flows about so much in life recently, because it's so true 😂 Agreed, I think going into anything self development related with that awareness and knowing of the pull it can have is helpful
Literally just starting to feel like this. My closest friend suggested a Podcast (can’t remember which but it was a ‘fun’ one) and my mind was baffled at the thought of listening to a Podcast that wasn’t self improvement related! I was listening to a Podcast yesterday & started feeling sick at hearing more of someone else’s thoughts on development & switched it off. Do agree, it has its place, but it’s picking what works for us & seeing that not ‘one size fits all’. Lovely post
So true! I think we are already perfect, and a constant work in progress. When we fall into a self-development loop (where we are always looking for something else to improve), we lose sight of the ways in which everything is already okay (including us).
Thanks for writing this thought-provoking article, Jodie!
Beautifully written. It was very interesting to read your perspective - mine is slightly different though.
When I was younger, I hated a lot about myself - how I looked, how I behaved and how I came across.
But I loved flashes - on certain days I'd reflect and think - "I really love how I behaved today."
Self-improvement showed me that I could become my dream person - physically and mentally - by just changing my thoughts and actions. By reflecting.
I think it boils down to this: Be the kind of person that you'd respect, while treating yourself kindly along the way.
That sort of combines both our angles into one!
E.g. I would always respect the quieter person in the room, because deep-down I knew I said things without thinking too often (which could hurt people's feelings). So, I began to journal about how I'd make an effort to think more before I spoke.
Slowly, but surely, I've moulded myself into someone I really love and respect - and anyone can do that. I just think self-improvement got mixed into 'bro-science' and got a bad wrap!
‘thinking less about how I can better myself, and more about how I can support myself’ this is exactly what I needed to hear. I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can improve and less about supporting myself. Thank you very much!
Thank you for sharing, and I do relate! I have similar feelings towards the recovery community and all of the “quit lit” and podcasts available… they are not bad or negative, and have helped me at different points in my life, but also became my identity. I am in a graduate social work program and between academic research and personal, sometimes the self-help is just too much and I feel lost in all of the information available. Your writing serves as a reminder to stop and look within, especially amongst a sea of resources. Thank you!
Wow, related to this so much: “I spent years outsourcing and looking for answers from anyone and everyone. So much so, I forgot to even check in with myself and see what actually made me feel good”. Yup! 🙋🏻♀️
I really resonated with this Jodie and it’s something I’m becoming increasingly aware of within my own healing journey. I’ve followed Lee Tilghman from Offline Time and on Instagram for a long time now and she often talks about her experience of breaking up with the wellness culture.
Really resonate with everything you’ve said here! Big advocate for taking what works for you and leaving the rest. Particularly loved the part about doing what will support you best versus “bettering yourself” - thank you for sharing Jodie!
Thank you Syd ❤️ glad it resonated
Hard relate! I experienced similar with the ‘healing’ culture that runs alongside chronic illness; even when it seems on the surface that it’s there to deeply help, it’s often another path to trying to ‘fix’, but it’s wearing a cloak of deception. And of course, it’s a path that becomes never enough/ending!
Oooh Alana, healing culture has got me too post trauma! It's just so sneaky isn't it
SO sneaky!!
I so needed to hear this, Jodie. Thank you. I've been on such a similar path lately of realizing that maybe my self-development focus is actually really harmful for me, and I've been finding joy in not always trying to "fix" or "improve" myself. Reading fiction again has been a gamechanger for me! And so fun! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.
100%, when I think about the people in my life that are happiest they don't tend to engage with this stuff anywhere near as much as I do/ did! I've found the same for reading fiction too, seems like we're at very similar points in our journey ❤️
This is exactly where I'm at right now - this is inspiring me to write something similar, thank you for the validation!
Ooh, please come back and share when you do ❤️
I have been down this path too!
I’ve come to discern - am I buying this course / downloading this book / subscribing to someone’s words from an energy of lack in me?
This is my gauge: ‘what’s the energy behind this move?’
It’s saved a lot of money and a lot of depletion!
I think I might have to steal that, such a useful question to ask especially around the content I'm going to consume. So much for me in the past was a fear based/ not enough mindset
Yup! Must be rife among so many of us!
Love this so much. In pursuit of living our best lives, we’ve stopped actually living. We’ve cut off the spaciousness and creativity of not dictating every minute of every day to meet our life goals. Kindness to ourselves and space to breathe into the gray areas of life I think is where we will truly be found
That's a really good way to put it, it's so future focused too it forgets about the small day to day acts
Wow I really resonate with what you're saying! Self improvement and self criticism have been so overlapping in my mind too
Oh yes… anything that feeds my idea of perfectionism or causes more head based thinking I have to be wary of. Such an important point to raise… when self development turns bad… of course it does have its place but I think it depends on the state of mind we are in when we pick up the book. Sometimes I can take it and other times I need to steer clear. Ebbs and flows xxx
I've been saying ebbs and flows about so much in life recently, because it's so true 😂 Agreed, I think going into anything self development related with that awareness and knowing of the pull it can have is helpful
Always ebbs and flows - the neverending spiral. xx
Literally just starting to feel like this. My closest friend suggested a Podcast (can’t remember which but it was a ‘fun’ one) and my mind was baffled at the thought of listening to a Podcast that wasn’t self improvement related! I was listening to a Podcast yesterday & started feeling sick at hearing more of someone else’s thoughts on development & switched it off. Do agree, it has its place, but it’s picking what works for us & seeing that not ‘one size fits all’. Lovely post
So true! I think we are already perfect, and a constant work in progress. When we fall into a self-development loop (where we are always looking for something else to improve), we lose sight of the ways in which everything is already okay (including us).
Thanks for writing this thought-provoking article, Jodie!
Beautifully written. It was very interesting to read your perspective - mine is slightly different though.
When I was younger, I hated a lot about myself - how I looked, how I behaved and how I came across.
But I loved flashes - on certain days I'd reflect and think - "I really love how I behaved today."
Self-improvement showed me that I could become my dream person - physically and mentally - by just changing my thoughts and actions. By reflecting.
I think it boils down to this: Be the kind of person that you'd respect, while treating yourself kindly along the way.
That sort of combines both our angles into one!
E.g. I would always respect the quieter person in the room, because deep-down I knew I said things without thinking too often (which could hurt people's feelings). So, I began to journal about how I'd make an effort to think more before I spoke.
Slowly, but surely, I've moulded myself into someone I really love and respect - and anyone can do that. I just think self-improvement got mixed into 'bro-science' and got a bad wrap!
Thanks for making me think!
‘thinking less about how I can better myself, and more about how I can support myself’ this is exactly what I needed to hear. I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can improve and less about supporting myself. Thank you very much!
Thank you for sharing, and I do relate! I have similar feelings towards the recovery community and all of the “quit lit” and podcasts available… they are not bad or negative, and have helped me at different points in my life, but also became my identity. I am in a graduate social work program and between academic research and personal, sometimes the self-help is just too much and I feel lost in all of the information available. Your writing serves as a reminder to stop and look within, especially amongst a sea of resources. Thank you!
Yes 🙌 love this, such a beautiful piece
Wow, related to this so much: “I spent years outsourcing and looking for answers from anyone and everyone. So much so, I forgot to even check in with myself and see what actually made me feel good”. Yup! 🙋🏻♀️
I really resonated with this Jodie and it’s something I’m becoming increasingly aware of within my own healing journey. I’ve followed Lee Tilghman from Offline Time and on Instagram for a long time now and she often talks about her experience of breaking up with the wellness culture.