Obsessed with self development books

the impacts of too many self help books and finding joy in reading again

Hello, I’m Jodie. A Yoga teacher & wellbeing creator/ writer. I write about life post burnout with themes of rest, living slower, healing, self discovery & more. Please subscribe to support my work & to read more. As a paid subscriber you can join my monthly journaling club, gain access to exclusive content and meditations.

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When did you read your first self help book?

For me, it was 2017. I was 22 and self help was becoming more and more of a thing. I was about to experience a massive life change and noticed myself going to all of the “what ifs” and just feeling overwhelmed by it all. So, naturally, I picked up a book that claimed to “transform my mindset” and “bring joy to every aspect of my life”.

Articles from 2019 share how record numbers of self-help books were sold (yes, I contributed to that in a big way). Even post pandemic the market has recovered and it continues to be a growing area.

It’s interesting to see this rise has correlated with increased use of our phones and screens, I think for many of us we’re grasping for a sense of meaning and calm in the chaos, and so many of these books claim to give us the answers.

Looking back, a resolve is exactly what I wanted, a complete how-to on feeling my best and how to thrive through it all

But, is there a point when these books become unhelpful? We start turning to self help to avoid action, or as a way to fix instead of support ourselves?

7 years on, after picking up that first book, I had to seriously assess my relationship with them.

And basically, it led to a break.

I’ve spoken about the darker side to self development content before. The thing is, in most cases it’s not the books or content as such that’s the issue, but the fixing and perfectionist mindset that can come with them. Wellness culture as a whole that reduces it down and makes us feel like we’re never enough - can you relate?

Emma Gannon recently wrote this article on accepting who we are. It really struck a chord because after years of striving for perfection and feeling like I always had to be doing and productive, really it was self acceptance and compassion that I needed. Not another book through my door or someone else to tell me what I should do.

These books, when read too often, encourage us to outsource our wellbeing and look outside of ourselves for the answers, but what about the wisdom within? When you allow yourself to pause for 5 minutes and something softens. When you go for that run or workout and notice something has shifted. When you take that midday nap and wake up feeling refreshed. When you talk it out with a friend. When you practice Yoga and feel grounded, lighter.

I also noticed I would approach these books looking for a complete how-to, disregarding the fact we’re all unique, and what exact steps work for one person are unlikely to directly apply to me and my life.

How I’m approaching self help now…

My break really came about last year because I spotted how these books quietly became another tool to shame myself. Another technique that didn’t work for me. Another distraction from actually doing the stuff that can feel uncomfortable, but where the magic and change really is.

The break helped me realise there was so much good information in the books, stuff that informs how I live today, but I didn’t have to take absolutely everything from them or keep consuming idea after idea in pursuit of becoming a “better person”

Here’s a couple of other things I try to keep in mind when it comes to self help books now

• Before even buying it, asking myself why!? What do I hope to gain? What’s the belief driving it? If it’s from a place of fear, allowing myself to witness that feeling instead of feeling like I need to fix it.

• While reading, being more curious about someone’s ideas and whether something is actually helpful for me, and trusting it’s okay if its not (and celebrating that!).

• Writing down key parts I find useful in my journal so I can actually put those learnings into action

• Being intentional with when and where I want to read self help. Holiday's and true down time are now typically non-fiction free for me.

Finding joy in reading

An intention I set at the beginning of 2023 was to read more for pleasure and explore more fiction. Growing up I’d never really been interested in reading, I told myself it just wasn’t for me and I couldn’t get into books (a little lie I’d been telling myself for years). I wanted to replace the reading I had been doing, and since, it’s been so interesting noticing how despite not being the plan, reading fiction has supported my wellbeing in ways I didn’t even realise it could.

At the end of last year, with this new found love for reading fiction and getting lost in stories, I wanted to find a way to simply build on that. I was sat with a friend Mollie at a local cafe and asked if she knew of any good book clubs to a. keep me accountable and b. introduce me to different types of fiction books.

Fast forward about 10 minutes (after realising the one for us didn’t exist) we were plotting our own book club. 4 months on, after selling out in-person since launching, I’m so pleased to share that we’ve brought it online…

Introducing, The Story Social.

Good books, connection & community

This book club weaves together everything I’m passionate about. Reading fiction is a huge part of how I live a slower, more mindful life these days, and creating a space to nurture that and bring likeminded people together too is the biggest joy.

You can find all of the details for May’s book club here (we’ve just announced our book for May, it’s a good’un)

And, of-course, if you have any questions please get in touch or feel free to comment.

So, I guess I’ve come full circle with self help books. The break did us some good. Now I’m approaching them in a different way and reading them alongside novels it feels more like a choice, rather than this deep need to keep fixing and constantly striving for perfection.

It’s made me think more about the narratives wellbeing culture pushes onto us. This idea that we’re not already enough. If you feel it too, and are working towards self acceptance, here’s a reminder that you really are enough, exactly as you are ❤️

I’d love to know if any of this resonates and you’ve experienced something similar with self help books, or if there’s a particular book that really has had a positive impact on the way you live?

Until next time,

Jodie x

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